Decisions, Decisions

The first thing you must do is decide.

It is that simple, and that difficult.

When it seems we've been dealt an unfortunate hand, victim mentality sets in more easily than not. But the reality is that just standing in the mess will not help to get you out of it. That is just the simple logic. But, trust me, I do know how difficult it can be...

I remember how low I felt when it happened to me, back when I was sick my body was failing me in ways I couldn't understand. I remember ducking into an alley in midtown Manhattan to cry after leaving yet another frustrating doctor’s appointment. I remember how small I felt when handfuls of my hair would fall out in the shower, and curling up in pain next to a toilet in the bathroom of a dermatologist's office after my scalp was subsequently shot full of cortisone. I remember waking in the middle of night to a searing stomach ache and spending hours in the bathroom when I so desperately wanted to sleep. And I very viscerally remember feeling heavy in self-loathing, wondering why it was all happening to me.

Many doctors told me that I had to accept the way that I was feeling, that there was really nothing to be done. But something told me not to believe them. I refused to take the antidepressants they threw at me for no reason, and I refused the severe courses of antibiotics that had no apparent target.

Instead, I remember deciding to take care of myself.

I chose to get hopeful from all of the information I found while researching, rather than overwhelmed. I took screen shots of every wellness center that I passed - tried acupuncture, meditation, and took up yoga. I sat on the exam table of a very wacky and absent minded holistic doctor, and I made the very clear decision to trust his unconventional mind.

I actively chose to put in work and to heal myself. And without that decision, the last few years of my life would have looked very different. 

I would have missed out on trips and vacations, relationships, and nights out with friends. I wouldn’t have started the businesses that I did or be as motivated as I am to teach others what I know. I would probably still be sick. And maybe, even, sicker. And I would definitely still be stuck feeling sorry and very overwhelmed.

There are a lot of factors that contribute to health - genetics, past history, life's given circumstances -  but they matter much less if the decision is made to take care of yourself. No, it isn’t easy. But, then again, neither is being unwell.

Become empowered. Make the decision. Choose to put in the work. You CAN do it.

Trust me. It’s the best decision I've ever made.